No use walking down the roads of the past.
It's ugly if I focus on the ugly emotions.
I don't need that...I don't need those feelings anymore.
I don't need to feel anything.
I just need to loose myself.
Be no one.
I need to understand where I sit or stand.
I am out of my mind.
and I never want to go back into it again.
I am ugly if I get completely lost inside.
but there is something beautiful about looking beyond the walls of my flesh.
there is something so much deeper about not being anyone at all.
there is meaning in being undefined
an infinite possibility of meanings.
I really am who I always was.
It was just so hard to remember.
To learn from zero, understand everything from nothing,
how could I have not felt insane?
the horror of the past,
everyday, breathing, doing, saying things
that would never last.
live and die just to become a part of an unknown, ancient past,
without pain, what was there for me to gain?
without hate, insanity, delusions, hallucinations, obsessions,
how would I have fallen in love with the truth?
my struggles will never go in vain because I refused to let myself become devoured, eaten alive,
I live to tell a story, of pain.
so that maybe someday, you'll suffer the same,
but find comfort in knowing someone else has played the same game.